The girl I’m dating doesn’t know what to say when I answer the question, “how come I can never come to your house?”
The paint seller doesn’t know what to say when I tell him his $1500 supply of non-chemical paint made my rental apartment uninhabitable for me.
They just don’t know what to say.
My last blog stirred up reaction . . . but . . . based on the communications that followed, it seemed nobody knew what to say. My intention was not to stir up pity. Much the opposite. My intention was to come down from a place where my ego told me I could handle everything myself and invite help.
Over the last couple of days I received emails and texts from friends and colleagues. They wanted to reassure me they care about me and wish they could help. I realized I failed to fully crystallize my perspectives and emotions in that last blog post. I didn’t mean to suggest that nobody helps me. I didn’t mean to suggest that people should pity me in any way, shape, or form.
I love people and I receive love in many ways from many people and for that I live my life with gratitude. I know my close friends, relatives, and distant friends would help if they could . . . but it’s a challenging set of circumstances and short of finding me a non-toxic planet I could live on with my extended family, the solutions are well hidden. Like I do when I’m solving a puzzle, or embarking on a treasure hunt, I know the solutions are out there . . . but I believe answers will come from, not a single source, but an alignment.
Those of you who began emails with “I don’t know what to say but . . . “ said exactly the right thing in following that preface. Those who said, “wow” and had a stunned silence follow said exactly the right thing. Those who confessed they didn’t realize how much I had been dealing with said exactly the right thing. I don’t want apologies for human contact. I want that contact and I invite speechless responses as well as verbose ones. I don’t want sorrow, negativity, or pity. If you leave those on the shelf, I assure you, anything you say is the right thing.
My belief is that chaos aligns to form order. I live by this truth. My Be Better students know this well. When we find the alignment in the chaotic events and circumstances, it all begins to make sense, to create a greater good, so every little piece of awareness is a treasure I welcome. Letting my guard down fully, confessing to a million dollar outlay without return, and admitting I’ve been taken advantage of by many who profit from health struggles wasn’t intended to make anybody feel guilty about not being able to help. It isn’t the absence of help from friends I was addressing. It’s the absence of fair exchange (money for result) that brings me to a place where I suspect asking for help is a far better strategy than attempting to buy it.
Every insight is valuable. If you want to comment on the blog with a single word or a sentence, it helps. If you pass the blog along to someone else, just to increase awareness, there’s value in that. If you tell one person or ten people about my situation, you’re doing something appreciated. Somebody somewhere knows somebody somewhere who can help me move past this challenging chapter, so if you simply connect with me via phone, text, email, or in spirit . . . it counts. I continue to share light with thousands, and remain driven, motivated, and happy. I do seminars, webinars, teleconferences. I work with people one-on-one. I counsel people. I live everyday with an appreciation for all that my life continues to bring my way, knowing the future is going to bring wonder. Most of all, I know I’ll continue to help others and that’s the greatest gift we can experience. Anyone who knows me well knows I treasure the thank you’s above all.
In asking for help, I didn’t intend anyone to feel bad, to feel guilty for not having an answer, or to shake their heads and say, “poor Phil.” It did require a mindset shift for me to realize, in inviting people who have the means to help me, I’m actually sharing that gift I’ve perhaps been selfish with as I saw my purpose as only to help others. In an odd way, it feels good to come from a different place and expect the best.
In gratitude, I thank you for being connected to my life and I anticipate we will both benefit.